The Kenya elections, sex, and wives...peace to the Kenyan homes

My last post was rather philosophical as I attempted to define sexuality. It is a term that is rather complex. I did end up saying something like sexuality is the core of our being human and it is not just about sex. I also pointed out that sexuality is many things and permeates many dimensions of our lives. Sometimes sexuality pops up in unexpected places. Well, here is one place it did pop up: the recent Kenyan elections. I caught this video footage circulating in the media in which some males expressed their views about the elections and sex.

The link between elections and sex

In the video, some men proclaim that they will not have sex with their wives until their presidential candidate was declared a winner by the Kenyan electoral body. Yep, no sex until the election results.

I believe these men were expressing their anxiety, frustration or whatever they were going through. But they wanted whoever was listening to take them seriously because this was a matter of sex or no sex. It was perhaps akin to a hunger strike, where one would forgo food to protest against something. Here, these men expressed their seriousness by saying that they would forgo sex. This says something about sex itself, that it is important and has great value.

Abstaining from sex for some cause is not unusual

In traditional Africa, withholding conjugal rights for some legitimate cause is not unusual at all. One such occasion, for instance, was when the community was preparing for a hunt, which was a serious undertaking and a risky one too because accidents could happen. Families were, therefore, asked to abstain from sexual relations. Anthropologists and sociologists could explain this better, but abstaining could have served a number of things. It could be that people were just too anxious and this can in itself be sexually disabling.

Another reason, perhaps, was to make sure that the men were focused on the event that was to take place and not be distracted by sex. Yet another reason could be that the men should preserve their vitality because the sexual act could sap their energy.  

Sex and wives

The men were emphatic about the particular kind of sex they were talking about. It was not just any sex, it is the one kind that perhaps is 'legit' that they can confidently mention in public because it is socially acceptable, that is, sex with their wives. That is how the wives (rather than women) come in. In a way, this was also an occasion to publicly affirm the kind of sex that is held in high esteem, among the various other kinds of sex.

Sex and gender

It is not by chance that the men spoke with confidence that they were in charge of the sex in the home, that they, not the wives, determine whether there will be sex or not. This is a reflection of the gender dimension of sex. I believe in gender and sex equality. The reality, however, for most people is that sex is something the man initiates and the woman is merely the 'respondent'. A woman may not initiate sex, or if she does, she does so in a way that is expected of the feminine, that is, seduction. This is not to say that some couples have transcended this, but this is pretty much how it is for most people. We also teach our boys and girls this way of being, that pursuing sex is masculine, and the feminine is the recipient and gatekeeper.

If we are truly gendered equal, then our sexuality must surely reflect that. It should not matter who initiates sex and in what manner for we are equal, right? The inequality in matters of sex also has implications on consent to sex, because if men believe that they are the keepers of the 'password' to sex and the woman is there at his beck and call, it may mean the man may not need consent because he can have it or not have it anytime he wants or does not want. I guess talk of marital rape would probably rouse a sleeping dragon, so I will let it lie for now.

Peace in the Kenyan homes

Well, the election appears to have run its course. Let me join all people of goodwill to wish the Kenyan people abundant peace and prosperity under the new leadership, and of course, good sex in their homes.