What do you believe about sexuality?

What we believe or do not believe about sexuality, even if we might never have thought about that, structures our relationships. The importance of understanding our beliefs about sexuality is that we shall not act in ignorance. Further, we might even pursue our dreams with much more conscious choices than simply going with the crowd. But then, what is sexuality?

Much has been thought about and said about sexuality, but it escapes an easy definition. One of the definitions that I find useful is from a World Health Organisation (WHO) publication:

Sexuality is a central aspect of being human throughout life and encompasses sex, gender identities and roles, sexual orientation, eroticism, pleasure, intimacy and reproduction. Sexuality is experienced and expressed in thoughts, fantasies, desires, beliefs, attitudes, values, behaviours, practices, roles and relationships. While sexuality can include all of these dimensions, not all of them are always experienced or expressed. Sexuality is influenced by the interaction of biological, psychological, social, economic, political, cultural, ethical, legal, historical, religious and spiritual factors.

This is a dense definition! Let me only highlight a few things here:

1. Sexuality permeates our being. We are always sexual, and at any time, from when we are born to when we shall die. We cannot at our whim switch sexuality on or off. It is there with us when we ignore or pay attention to it. It subsists at the very core of our being and expresses itself in all our human interactions in one way or another.

2. Sexuality is an aspect of our unique identity. How we think and feel, carry ourselves and go about our lives is shaped by sexuality.

3. What and how we do or wish to do with our sexual organs and erogenous zones is a significant preoccupation for many people. It also happens that for humans, natural reproduction only happens through sexual intercourse between a male and female. This makes sexual intercourse a high-value activity for the sustenance of our species.

4. Yet, sexuality is not just about sex. A person can live a fulfilling life without engaging in sex. Sexuality has many other avenues of expression other than sex and sexual intercourse.

5. Sexuality is so intertwined with the diverse dimensions of our lives that we will always come up against sexuality anywhere and everywhere even in stuff that one would think is unrelated to sexuality.

6. Sexuality expresses itself in inter-relations of power. It can be gentle, tender and loving. And yes, it can go rogue. It can express itself as violence and domination, and rape.

Now, if you ever thought sexuality does not matter to you, think again. Sexuality contributes to our feeling good about life and our aspiration for the divine. Our intimate relationships are rich or poor to the extent that we have accepted the gift of sexuality. Therefore, we must not ignore the power of reflecting on what we believe about sexuality because this makes the difference between a life guided by our conscious choices and a mundane existence in which we have done well in going with the flow.  

There is more to say about sexuality, of course, it can fill all the blogging pages of the world wide web and we would still not exhaust it. Cultures and religion have from time immemorial wrestled with this question of how best to live one's sexuality or sexual life. However, I believe that it is important to reflect on what sexuality means for us, personally. An important question is, therefore, what do you believe about sexuality and how has what you believe guided your life to where you are now? This exercise is not a simple one, but I challenge you to just take some time to think about it. Then, perhaps ask yourself, further, what is it you want? I encourage you to dream...